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[01 Aug 2015|10:26pm]
Haven't posted anything here in years! Still can't believe I've had this for 15 years.

P.S. I cheated on you.
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[05 Jan 2011|11:40pm]
I've had LiveJournal for 10 years! Where does time go?! I was 17 at the time.
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[13 Jul 2010|08:29pm]

Day 01- A song that makes you happy 
Day 02- A song that helps you clear your head 
Day 03- A song that makes you laugh 
Day 04- A song that reminds you of something sad 
Day 05- A song that has a new meaning to you every time you hear it 
Day 06- A song you can always relate to 
Day 07- A song that is your guilty pleasure 
Day 08- A song you liked when you were younger 
Day 09- A song that makes you want to dance 
Day 10- A song that makes you cry 
Day 11- A song that reminds you of summer 
Day 12- A song that reminds you of your best friend 
Day 13- A song you sing to in the shower 
Day 14- A song you like hearing live 
Day 15- A song people wouldn’t expect you to like 
Day 16- A song that holds a lot of meaning to you 
Day 17- A song that annoys you 
Day 18- A song you have as your ring tone/want to be your ring tone 
Day 19- A song you’re currently obsessed with 
Day 20- A song from a new album you are waiting for to come out 
Day 21- A song you want to dance to at your wedding 
Day 22- A song that would be the theme song to a TV show about your life 
Day 23- A song that makes you angry 
Day 24- A cover song 
Day 25- An acoustic song you love 
Day 26- A song by your favorite band 
Day 27- A song you make fun of 
Day 28- A song that reminds you of your boyfriend/girlfriend 
Day 29- A song currently stuck in your head 
Day 30- A song that you haven’t listened to in awhile


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[31 May 2010|11:08pm]
This will probably be the first time I'm going to be very open and vulnerable. The past few weeks have been a journey. Nothing so major but it's definitely a learning process.

I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago. I used to be care-free and happy go lucky all the time. I know I'm more bitter now. I've denied it but I can admit I am. I'm not a no-soul-person though lol. I hate what I've become. I still have that happy guy inside me but I feel afraid to show it at times now and I feel stripped of who I used to be. I'm not happy. I stopped writing. I stopped singing. I stopped doing things that made me happy.

When my mom died 5 years ago, I snapped, literally. I felt myself become a different person. The anger I have now, I put it out on the world because my mom was taken away from me. The one person who loved me unconditionally and who would never leave me was taken away. I still have my breaking points because of it. When I think about it hard enough, my body begins to twitch and no I'm not kidding. It hasn't happened in a long time thank god but thats my proof of how bad I took it. I still have a lot of hate because of my situation. I hold a grudge against my family for putting certain things against me because of my moms death. I'm not going to go into detail even though it might be more understandable. She died in my arms and I couldn't do anything. I know thats why I took it as hard as I did/do.

Someone told me I have an abandonment problem and I basically lost it when I heard them say it but now that I think about it, I do. I feel like a lost soul at times. I did gain some but I lost it again recently.

I'm trying my hardest to become who I used to be. I need to become that Josh again. I love myself no matter what but I miss my old self. I'm ready. I'm ready to lift myself.

This is in no way of trying to gain pity or having someone to lean on because I know I can't lean on anybody but myself.
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[14 May 2010|02:06pm]
1. If time-travel was possible, what band/singer from the PAST would you like to see in concert?
I would have loved to see Janet's 'janet tour'. That tour was so amazing from the footage I've seen and it was probably even better in person.
2. Put your mp3 player on shuffle, what are the first three songs that play?
Danny Fernandes "Number Changed"
Michael Jackson "This Is It (Orchestra Version)"
Kelis "Trick Me"
3. What singers would you like to see do a duet? (alive or dead)
Bjork and 2Pac.
4. Your favorite group that has the worst band name?
The Spice Girls.
5. What are some fashion trends from the past you wish would come back in style?
Pretty much a ton of stuff have came back in style, I would love to see more British mod looks out there, both men and women.
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[16 Apr 2010|08:13pm]
1. What is your take on nude photography? Would you ever consider doing it?
If you've got it, then why not. It brings in big bucks too haha. I don't think I would do it. Right now I definitely would not, I'm not that comfortable with my body to expose it. Maybe if my body were more toned and beefy I'd go shirtless but I doubt full frontal.
2. If there were a themed photoshoot you could do, what would it be and why?
I badly want to do a boxer themed photoshoot. Again, I'd have to be toned though. I think those type of shoots are so hot. That's one of my goals. And another is in the desert, all dirty on a motorcycle, sweaty...
3. Do you enjoy having your picture taken?
I like to now. When I was a kid, I hated having my picture taken. That's the downside of not having that many photos of me as a kid. Although when I do have my picture taken, I really have to inspect it haha.
4. Who is your favourite photographer?
I don't have a favourite. I admire a ton of different peoples work.
5. Have you ever taken the typical "myspace" photo?
I have...ugh. But I think it looked ok. Did I use it, no!
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[26 Mar 2010|11:41am]

New Xtina single preview.
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[12 Mar 2010|08:31pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

“I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas, I got them a camper. All they wanted to do was hang out by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff."

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[24 Feb 2010|09:43pm]
Expect an update/review tomorrow.
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[20 Feb 2010|08:51pm]
Best post ever.

Is there any better way to illustrate just how much misogynist hip-hop has bastardized R&B than the recent release of Sade's Soldier Of Love? Sade's style has remained more or less the same over the course of her 26-year career, but R&B has not. Her debut album Diamond Life didn't stick out like a sore thumb in comparison to other R&B/Soul music at the time, yet Soldier Of Love is almost alien within the the class of 2010.

The biggest R&B songs over the last decade are so heavily influenced by rap that they barely resemble the genre from which they stemmed. Take Usher's "Yeah", Beyonce's "Crazy In Love", or Rihanna's "Umbrella" -- three monster R&B songs from the last decade that are essentially hip-hop tracks. In an increasing number of instances, R&B hits depend on collaborations with hip-hop stars to sell. So, in exchange for the smooth sounds of yesteryear, we get a hybrid of half-singing, half-flowing lyrics over rap instrumentals.

The transformation has not been confined to technical aspects, either. R&B has transitioned from being primarily about love and affection (with a few notable exceptions) to utter debauchery. How did we go from "Love & Happiness" by Al Green and "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder to "Say Ahh" and "Birthday Sex"? By taking on the personality and subject matter of rap music, the romance in much R&B music has been effectively killed. No sexual stone is left unturned, no secrets remain, and the playful stories of courtship are long gone. There was a time in music history when a contemporary R&B artist would never, ever appear on a song called "What These Bitches Want?" So where exactly did things go wrong?

In the broader historical sense, Teddy Riley and the birth of New Jack Swing definitely gave the transition a kick start. But this is America, and we can't start the healing process until we find someone to blame for our problems. We need one central figure to blame for this entire R&B crime of passion, whether or not it is warranted. It has to be someone that influences the genre, sets trends, and has the respect of their peers.

It has to be R. Kelly's fault.

Sure, Beyonce is a bigger star, she's married to a rapper, and has fused her music with hip-hop as far back as her late-'90s "No, No, No" remix with Wyclef. But Beyonce's music has always been non- threatening, despite the influence of misogynist hip-hop. R. Kelly revels in being a bad boy and has been the single biggest cause of R&B's shift from romantic protagonists to "thugged out" horn dogs. He's the guy who sings about dragging women back to his room like a caveman, getting pissy drunk, and hiding midgets in the pantry. R. Kelly is great at what he does. Maybe, too good: he's given birth to a legion of young singers who grew up on his music and mimic the style he pioneered. The-Dream, Trey Songz, Jeremih,.... these guys are all running around making TP-2.com over and over again.

It's almost scary to think about what R&B will sound like in another ten years if it continues to deteriorate at the current speed. Hell, they may start passing off Lil Jon albums as soul music in 2020.

You may laugh at that now, but just wait until Trapped In The Closet 83 comes out. Then maybe we'll realize that nothing's changed for the better.
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[19 Feb 2010|11:53am]
[ mood | cold ]

Currently watching Michael Jackson HIStory Tour with my man.

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[18 Feb 2010|07:47pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I haven't updated in a while and I really ought to more often! Been posting too much on my Twitter ( http://twitter.com/jay__lo ). Have to return to my o.g. roots on LJ! lol.

Not so much has been going on. Been working a lot, having fun with my Robs, trying to get back in my writing...

I'm pretty sure I blogged about me getting a final warning at work about logging in one of my keys a few (months probably now) back. Well I fought that and it cleared! I had one of the HR girls print out a booklet about proper key usage and no where did it state I could get written up for forgetting to log it in. Only if it got damaged or lost. I'm very thrilled it cleared up. If it hadn't there would be no way of me trying to get promoted. And what's funny is no more than 10 minutes after the main HR woman told me it cleared, she pulls me aside and tells me if I were interested in applying for backroom team leader!

I had the 2 interviews for it and I think they went well. If I don't get it, it's ok with me. I'm somewhat guarenteed another position... merchandising specialist. The store manager told me the role of the cosmetic key team member (my current position) title is changing. Only crappy thing is I have to apply for it. I don't mind though. My boss and supervisor told me they really don't want to train anyone else for it and can't think of anyone they'd want for it except me since I know everything there needs to be known. I believe the raise is a buck or two. But hey, it's something! Long as I work my way up slowly.

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[01 Jan 2010|03:54pm]
I made a mistake...it hasn't been 10 years, it's been 9 actually. But 12/26/10 WILL mark the 10th year I've had lj. I registered for it when I was 15... I'm 25 now. Fuck.

2010, wow that's like Jetsons time period lol. I vowed not to make any resolutions for the new year but goals instead. I want to be taken more seriously, both in my personal life and professional. I tend to act like a 15 year old still (I guess I always will be a kid at heart) but I'm at the point where I need to be an adult and deal with my own stuff the right way. I want to be happy mainly.
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[30 Dec 2009|08:08pm]
The other day (I believe) or today marked the 10th anniversary I've had my lj! wow how times flies!
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[04 Dec 2009|05:47pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I got myself a brand new phone a couple weeks ago! Samsung Impression. It's all touch screen with a slide keyboard on the side. I'm still getting used to it but I've figured about a majority of it. One thing I hate about it is that I can't send ringtones to myself that I've made :( I can hear the other person a lot better now and from what Rob told me, so can he! I'm glad I finally upgraded myself in that department.

Around the beginning of November or end of October, I got offered a new position at work. GSA (Guest Service Attendant), it's basically being in charge of the front lanes/cashiers. I got the 3 interviews within a week and so far it's between another guy and myself. I haven't heard anything about it yet but I'm hoping it will happen after the holidays. I say hope because of another thing...I got my final warning yesterday. I forgot to sign my key back in. Yeah stupid and small I know, bitches are lucky I didn't lose it or take it home. I'm scared about it. I've heard once someone is on the final, you can't get promoted until it clears and it clears in a year. I pray to God I still get the GSA position. I want it more than anything. I'm going to be more careful now. I'm not getting the key anymore.

Thanksgiving was awesome! I went to Renee's house and got to see a lot of the family. I'm gonna post pictures I took later on. I had such a blast. I can't wait till Christmas to see everyone again.

x cmnt

[27 Nov 2009|02:11pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

My nephew Matt skateboarding and falling on his booty lmao

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[18 Nov 2009|05:46pm]
Haven't posted in a while but I'm going to try to more often.

Last night I had the weirdest night in a very long time. I woke up at 2am and every so often, my head would twitch when I would about to fall asleep. I thought ok it's nothing but then when I did fall asleep, I tried to wake up and I couldn't. I seriously felt trapped in my sleep. I finally got out of it but it was so weird! I felt so helpless. I don't know what that means though.
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[14 Oct 2009|05:45pm]
So I need to do a some venting about work. Saturday I got a documented coaching from one of the managers and my team leader about my performance. Apparently I'm not doing my work. I really do not get this, I bust my ass everyday with my department. I'm constantly doing my go-backs, making sure everything looks organized and everything goes in it's proper spot, cleaning and labeling - well I was slacking with the labeling but I'm doing good now. I have a 6 month probation, it can clear in 6 months if my performance gets better. If not, then it goes to a final warning and can lead up to getting fired.

Today I go in pretty pissed but I put out my anger on work and I actually got 4 aisles done in 2 hours! I haven't done that before and I was so proud of myself. I even did the cleaning. I ended up doing 2 more out of the 8 aisles I have - say what you want, sure 8 aisles isn't anything but it's fucking cosmetics, all that tiny crap to put away and remove shelves and find MORE behind everything. I told the manager who had the talk with me what I did, and she really didn't give me any feedback whatsoever. This is what pisses me off. They say my performance is not good and seems like I don't care but when I show them I care, I get nothing. How am I supposed to care when I get nothing in return?! I pretty much did not care what she thought, I know I did an awesome job today. I mean, I do care what they think but when they show no emotion whatsoever, how is that going to help me develop my leadership and grow as a team member? I work hard. I know I do. I'm working my way to get promoted and it's like they don't want me to succeed when I know I'm capable of. It really makes me mad and hurt at the same time.

There, I feel better.

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[16 Sep 2009|06:16pm]
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[18 Aug 2009|05:31pm]
w00t! A few confirmed tracks off Mariah's cd!

I Want To Know What Love Is
H.A.T.E.U. (Having A Typical Emotional Upset)
Candy Bling
Standing O
It's A Wrap
Up Out Of My Face
More Than Just Friends
Angels Cry

not in that order but it's something!
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